How to Leave a Voicemail

Why do I hate voicemail? Because it's so rare anyone leaves one that follows these three simple rules:

1. Speak your name (and your company, if you're calling for work) slowly, and enunciate carefully.
2. Briefly explain why you're calling.
3. Say your phone number slowly, enunciating carefully - twice. Be sure to add the area code, just in case (or country code if you're calling from another country).

Why is this so hard? I can't tell you how many people are unintelligible when they leave me a voicemail. They race thru their telephone number (like there's a finish line, and first prize is cake!), they mumble their name, and give you no reason to call them back.

"This is George AweroidoknglksEFffles, call me at eightninethreefourseventytwentylebbensomething."

OK, why? Why in the world would I take the ten minutes to replay the message forty times to get your number (one digit at a time) and sound out your name? There's no reason that I want to talk to you, Mr. Vowel-Movement. And if I did, and I got your voicemail, what do you think I'd be tempted to do?

"This is Tom rqwaNDAshabbiTZLe returning your call. Tag! Try me at eight seven six five four three."

That's right - only six digits. How long you think it'll take 'em to figure that out?